A daughter's love....

Growing up, I always knew that I wanted a daughter, but I was thinking more of dresses and bows and tea parties.  I've always BEEN a daughter, but I never really knew what having a daughter meant.  I've learned that having a daughter means wearing your heart on your sleeve 24/7.  When I was pregnant with Becca (my 2nd child), everyone told me I wouldn't be as protective with the second child and there wouldn't be as many photos because basically I had "been there, done that".  Well, when Becca came along, my instinct to protect her went into overdrive!!!!  Here was this precious baby girl that I dared anyone to look at wrong.  I let her "be" a little bit more than I did with Austin.  She played more in the dirt and that first skinned knee didn't send me crying and calling my own mom, but it still hurt.  As she has gotten older, she has been the best mixture of girly girl who had every dress-up outfit you can imagine to being a bit of a tomboy now.  I think she's still trying to figure herself out a little and that's okay with me.  Boys are still icky and that is MORE than okay with me.  She and I argue more as she is testing the waters in what she calls her "tween" years, which to me is hysterical because the girl won't even be 10-years old until May!!!  But, regardless of whether she's wearing camo and picking out lipgloss to match or wanting to wear a dress and not sitting so ladylike, she is everything a daughter could be. 

Why do they have to grow up?

I get that when Austin looks in the mirror, this is NOT what he sees!!!!  But, when I handed him the keys for the first time yesterday to go out on his own, this is exactly what I saw!!!  I knew this day would come eventually, I've even been preparing for it and I've always considered myself the "cool" mom.  I don't know how many times I've said to Cliff, "Honey, try to remember when we were that age."  But just like all the lamaze classes I took when I was pregnant with this sweet little angel, all that went out the freaking window. Of course, he did fine and of course he had fun, but that's not the point.  The point is that I was a nervous wreck and I just wanted him to crawl up into my lap and never, ever leave the house without me.  Now, those who actually KNOW my son have the visual of this 6'3" creature all crawled up and are laughing hysterically.

I know I need to let go (someday) and I will (a little), but for right now, I look at Austin and I don't see this towering 6'3" young man in front of me rolling his eyes because I'm clutching the keys....I see this chubby cheeked baby that only wanted to stay right where his mommy was!!!!! 

All the cool kids are doing it....

So, I've been contemplating blogging for a while now...well, I say contemplating, Cliff would say procrastinating, but the important thing is that I'm finally doing it.  And it's all because of peer pressure.  Yep...all the cool kids were doing it and I gave in!  But, look at it this way, now all of the things that you never wanted to know about me or hear me vent about, you get the luxury of doing just that! 

Sixteen years ago when I gave birth to this handsome son of mine, I thought I had my life all figured out.  Boy, was I wrong.  People change and things change and life goes on, but one thing didn't and that's that this child, my first-born, my only son, is closer to my heart than he will ever know.  He's a pain in ass more times than not sometimes, but I wouldn't trade him for the world or the compassion he has for his mom.

Almost 10 years ago came my princess. She was the sweetest little girl from the moment she was born.  Full of energy and sweetness and more giggles than anything I've ever seen.  She walked early and talked early and has always been a quick learner and so smart.  And now that she's going on 10, she's a smart-mouth sometimes too. The mother/daughter relationship is changing a little and the battles have begun, but she is more like me than I ever care to admit.  Mostly because I would have to admit that her attitude does in fact come from me! 

Then there is my sweet baby Riley.  The baby that, at 38 years of age, I never dreamt of having.  The baby that Cliff was never supposed to have.  And the baby that is adored in this house like she was made out of gold.  A year prior, we had that "uh oh" moment when the pink lines made their appearance.  Cliff was told he would never have children.  Unfortunately, 8 weeks into that pregnancy, we had a miscarriage, but it got us to really thinking about becoming parents together.  After MUCH praying and soul searching, we decided to let God decide what would be best for us...and Riley is what God gave us!  She is the BEST baby...always smiling, always laughing, always happy.  She's been sleeping through the night in her own bed since 5 1/2 weeks and is so easy-going.  And Cliff....what can I say?  He is an amazing dad and is so in love with his daughter.  Not one person has said she looks like me and random strangers tell him how much she looks like her daddy.  He eats it up....