A daughter's love....

Growing up, I always knew that I wanted a daughter, but I was thinking more of dresses and bows and tea parties.  I've always BEEN a daughter, but I never really knew what having a daughter meant.  I've learned that having a daughter means wearing your heart on your sleeve 24/7.  When I was pregnant with Becca (my 2nd child), everyone told me I wouldn't be as protective with the second child and there wouldn't be as many photos because basically I had "been there, done that".  Well, when Becca came along, my instinct to protect her went into overdrive!!!!  Here was this precious baby girl that I dared anyone to look at wrong.  I let her "be" a little bit more than I did with Austin.  She played more in the dirt and that first skinned knee didn't send me crying and calling my own mom, but it still hurt.  As she has gotten older, she has been the best mixture of girly girl who had every dress-up outfit you can imagine to being a bit of a tomboy now.  I think she's still trying to figure herself out a little and that's okay with me.  Boys are still icky and that is MORE than okay with me.  She and I argue more as she is testing the waters in what she calls her "tween" years, which to me is hysterical because the girl won't even be 10-years old until May!!!  But, regardless of whether she's wearing camo and picking out lipgloss to match or wanting to wear a dress and not sitting so ladylike, she is everything a daughter could be. 

Why do they have to grow up?

I get that when Austin looks in the mirror, this is NOT what he sees!!!!  But, when I handed him the keys for the first time yesterday to go out on his own, this is exactly what I saw!!!  I knew this day would come eventually, I've even been preparing for it and I've always considered myself the "cool" mom.  I don't know how many times I've said to Cliff, "Honey, try to remember when we were that age."  But just like all the lamaze classes I took when I was pregnant with this sweet little angel, all that went out the freaking window. Of course, he did fine and of course he had fun, but that's not the point.  The point is that I was a nervous wreck and I just wanted him to crawl up into my lap and never, ever leave the house without me.  Now, those who actually KNOW my son have the visual of this 6'3" creature all crawled up and are laughing hysterically.

I know I need to let go (someday) and I will (a little), but for right now, I look at Austin and I don't see this towering 6'3" young man in front of me rolling his eyes because I'm clutching the keys....I see this chubby cheeked baby that only wanted to stay right where his mommy was!!!!!